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novembre 28th, 2014 by myblog0

I said in my previous post that I wanted to be anorexic. Well I was anorexic, I have already been there, and it is unbearable in the long run. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I became bulimic. Once upon a time, I thought it was cool to have an eating disorder, but I couldn’t be more wrong. Now, thank God, I am almost back to normal, but I think that I would never have been able to achieve balance again if I haven’t taken a time out from my “professional and academic” life. It’s almost 2 months since I graduated, and I haven’t looked for a phd yet, in my for-interieur, something tells me I still have things to do before starting the next chapter.

Dear Shingo,

Life would be fun if I were friends with you. But we are in two different worlds. Anyway, I was thinking of getting back my hobbies. I f I create my own world, I would have a shelter to which I come back every time the world is rude to me. I would be able to fill my world with colourful  things. I would be able to counter emotional tremors. I should work on that.

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day 0

octobre 26th, 2014 by myblog0

I want to be anorexic. I don’t want to die from that but I want to be anorexic no matter what. I’ll start from tomorrow. No food at all for 24 hours, and exercise every now and then to raise the metabolism. I don”t want to see that food.

On the other hand, I want to learn Indesign and php/html/css. we’ll see.

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After 2 years, I’m back!

avril 15th, 2014 by myblog0

Well, a lot has changed, I’m more polished, and I’m following arashi instead of kat-tun!

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itsumo no you ni

mai 19th, 2012 by myblog0

I’m watching hayami mokomichi’s trip to china. I’ve been into watching him and kat-tun a lot lately, which means that I’m not working : sore wa machigai desu ne!!

ma, I want to say something but I don’t know what to say at the moment. Some day ago, I was on the verge of entering a chat room, I have to say that Im still hesitant about that, partly because I don’t know the consequences that that could have, and because I don’t want to screw it up for myself more than it’s is screwd up right now.

The other day I looked for some articles I’m intending to buy as soon as I get payed, which means somthing like 7 or 8 years from now.

Right now I’m listening to KATTUN’s DMOTION. The lyrics are dirty, but it is so well arranged that I can’t hold myself from listening to it, the vocals are good too. I was detemined to give up on that band, but they are so much fun to watch, so I’m back to watch them.

One of the things that I am absolutely determined to do as soon as this school year is done is to learn japanese and music basics. Then I have to take TCF, do something about my french and english, and then get my personal projects done. I mean that!

Now, I guess : ja ne!

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this is the morining

mai 13th, 2012 by myblog0

Surprisingly, I really want to go to paradise. I don’t know why, but I kind of feel what it can be like in paradise, because at certain moments of life, I say to myself that if it’s beautiful like that in life then it’s much more beautiful in paradise, so won’t it be the best thing ever if the great feeling lasts for ever (by being in paradise).

I think I’m becoming more indulgent towards people, I think that the way I’m thinking is becoming less superficial and deeper. Shrewder? I don’t know about that.

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Now, here, there and then

mai 10th, 2012 by myblog0

It has been a while. A lot happened during that time. I got to know more japanese public people (it’s not something to be really proud of), since it’s about japan, I’m almost always enthusiastic. But, somehow, I got to appreciate actors and their work, they produce pieces of arts that not many people appreciate. Compared to painters, musicians, actors are often looked down at because a good number of them have a bad reputation, but if you just look at their performance, some of them are worthy of recognition. I really want to try and do a short film, a really short one (about 1 to 2 minutes),I’ll do the music, the screening, as for the drawings that I’ll use in the film, I’ll collaborate with a cartoonist to make them (I’m not telling you who). Before that, I need to cloister mysel a bit (something like two weeks) to learn more skills in music, I think that I can do quality music if I give it a good shot. As for animations, I’m thinking of using software like maya, blender or somthing like that, I’m not sure yet which one to use, it’ll depend on what I want to do (because the idea I have in mind is already in its early stages of conception) and on how complicated the software is, le site du zero is a good place to start learning those software though. From time to time, I’m invaded by the idea of composing a song, I mean something professional like, with lyrics and all that, maybe I’ll do it one day, now I just want to concentrate on the music, plus my voice will probably just spoil everything, until I improve my singing, this will remain as a contingent project of mine. I almost forgot : to mix the music and do the necessary work to produce I’ll probably use fl studio. I’m counting on doing this project this summer, I don’t want it to take more than one month, we’ll see. Also, I don’t want to give up on this idea, because I think that it’s promising to be a good one, the one that will give my artistic career a good kick. Now, because I don’t to give up on it, I’ll write something about it every now and then, gather some ideas, talk about software, animation scenario, you know… stuff like that.

Now, I want to write somthing in japanese:

mina-san, konnichiwa.

sashiburi desu ne! saikin isogashikatta. Shikashi, nihongo kakushuu wa tanoshii desu, sono tameni, watashi wa nihongo wo manabimasu. kitto!!

ma, ja ne!

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sashiburi da ne!

avril 29th, 2012 by myblog0

It has been a while since the last time I posted something here.

Kyou kara, watashi ga nihongo wo kaku koto wa dekimaru. Soshite sono tameni, totemo ureshii desu.

I’ve been so carefree lately. Ma, ja ne!

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Clover

mars 24th, 2012 by myblog0

pagecaver.jpg

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Saturday, March 24th, 2012. This is the afternoon.

mars 24th, 2012 by myblog0

I got aware of what I am : I am an engineering student. There are all kinds of -how do I say it, young people?, well I mean people who are in the same age range as me- those people, there are those who study music, those who study history, others who study litterature, others who study maths, those who study physics… I study computer engeneering. What I want to say is that when I thought that people have different paths (or walks?) and I’ve just happened to walk in this path, that I didn’t choose, but I’ve just realised that I’m lucky, and that when I think that I am an engineering student, I feel glad, because it means that there’s some things I can do, some things that are hard to understand or master but I’m intersted in them and I’m trying.

I watched jin’s CMs for Docomo, he’s damn good. When I look at him now, I can feel that he’s still the same, but I get the sensation that there’s something that changed about him, I can’t tell what exactly, maybe he’s having tough times, maybe he’s going down the wrong path, I can’t tell for sure. I hope he’s still in touch with KAT-TUN members.

To be successful at something, there’s no way you can acheive success without going through problems and really tough times. I’ve experienced that, I know what I’m talking about, and the result is was able to study in les classes préparatoires. But since then I’ve been passive, walking aimlessly and my life has gone rapidly down hill quite a few times, but I was saved.

When I look at my life from the outside, it seems like any other life, but when I look at it from the inside, it’s boring and miserable. Actually, I am lucky in some things, and unlucky in others , but I think that some of the failures and tough times that I’ve gone through from since when I was a kid made me stronger, it served me well. I am in the verge of crying. I can die in any minute, I’ll just keep going till I die, there’s nothing one can do about that.

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Thursday, March 22nd, 2012. This is the evening

mars 22nd, 2012 by myblog0

I am getting serious about learning japanese, but I can’t bring myself to study at school properly.

Once my friend said to me that I want to become like those that people write about in wikipedia and stuff (she means famous people basically), I guess she’s right. What I want the most right now is a group of people to work with. I have to say that I can’t “manage” myself when I am alone.

I’m listning to aqua timez’s let loose right now. I don’t thing I’m ever going to get bored of it. It’s just so well done.

Never mind, I was saying that I want to become famous, I have to do something then. What should I do. I don’t find joy in studying, it’s boring and I am not curious about it (that’s not good, I know). My dream is to be a keyboardist in a pop/rock band. But that’s not appropriate to where I live (whatever scale you consider). And here again, I don’t have the necessary knowledge to do that (I’ve never been taught how to play piano, and I don’t have enough time to learn it all by myself, but I am trying every now and then).

Actually,I imagine myself being the vocalist in a band. It sounds cool, but even when I’m imaging it, it’s hard, because I know myself. The truth is, I can confront the crowd if no one knows who I am. I think I might do it putting a disguise on (I am serious).

Sometimes I imagine myself acting. I think it’s not that difficult, I believe actors must have the extraordinary ability to believe in the fiction they’re palying, that way they can be true to themselves when acting and be natural.

When I think of it now that I’m wrinting this, is showbiz the only path to fame?. Of course not. But the thing is, it’s the fastest and easiest way to make people look cool. I’ve noticed that people working in this field have no brains (I mean they rarely have a good academic cursus), instead they are thick skinned and are amazingly good at interacting with cameras and people, and that itself is not given to anybody.

The path that was chosen to me, (I don’t think that I chose it), is to work in something related to science. Some would say that that’s cool, but I just don’t like it. It’s the safest thing to do, I admit, but I don’t like it. And as long as I don’t like it, I won’t go far, I’ll just bearly do what I have to do. What I would like to do, what I would really love to do, is music. I want to perform in public. I love to play music, and I think being a musician in a music band is the awsomest thing that could happen to me. I really want to learn music , I think that I would never be tired of it. I imagine myself just practicing, practicing, because I am fond of it, I mean it.

I know that it’s not easy and that the music industry is harsh, and so on, but I don’t aim at making money out of it, that’s not the most important thing to me. I just want to play music and share it with the largest public possible. Now, unfortunately, I am not even a proper beginner at piano, and there’s just no way I learn it properly.

Sometimes I say to myself that there’s no point in thinking like that because it’s too late, plus such things are seen as delinquence and stuff like that where I live, moreover I’m afraid of wasting my life doing pointless things and screw it up because of that in my postmortem life, you see. What I want when I grow up is to have enough money to travel around the world, learn new languages, discover new cultures, make good friends, learn and perform music, that’s life to me. If I fail in achieving this my life would be a waste.

I want to learn and perform music, I want to learn new languages, I want to travel around the world, I will do it, no matter what, it’s a matter of time.

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